


Not for Nothing

by Rachel500



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Romance, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-26
Updated: 2011-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-26 13:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/283915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel500/pseuds/Rachel500
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for S2.  Jenna's love for her fiancé leads her down a dangerous path and it may all be for nothing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not for Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for S2, eps 1, 2 and 10.

**Not for Nothing**

He's standing by the elevator down the corridor from her workspace; tall, dark, handsome. Not Jenna's usual type but her heart skips a beat anyway as she walks up to stand beside him.

She can tell he's an operative from the cut of his suit; ex-military from the way he holds himself; impatient from the way he's pressing the button again even though it's already lit up. The elevator arrives regardless a moment later.

He lets her get on first and there's just the two of them. She clasps her folder tighter and he rocks back on his heels, just as impatient now he's in the elevator as he was outside of it. The machine whirs into life, starts to ascend, shudders and stops.

They both stare at the flashing red light. A voice crackles out of the speaker. 'Uh, should get you moving in just a minute. Sit tight, guys.'

He looks over at her with a 'can you believe this' expression and she smiles sympathetically back at him. Fifteen minutes later, they're both sat on the floor, backs to the wall and the engineer is apparently on his way. She's already texted her boss to say she's going to be late.

His stomach rumbles loudly and a flush hits his cheeks. 'Sorry. Didn't have time for lunch.'

Jenna reaches into her pants' pocket and pulls out a candy bar. 'Here.' She says with a smirk taking in his wide-eyed surprise as she offers the candy to him.

He smiles; it shifts his face from classically handsome into friendly. She knows he's assessing her; brown-red pixie hair-cut, brown eyes hiding behind black frame glasses, the smart but comfortable clothes that probably mark her out as an office worker.

He takes the candy and waves it at her. 'My knight in shining armour.'

She regards him with amusement. 'So, does that make you the damsel in distress?'

He breaks into the candy, halves it and offers her a piece with another wicked grin. 'Hey, I make a great damsel in distress.'

 _You're certainly pretty enough for it._ The words stay in her head but she smiles back and takes the chocolate. 'Thanks.'

'You know I don't think that says thank you for slaying the evil hunger monster enough.' He gestures with the candy wrapper. 'How about dinner?'

She shouldn't. She's just out of a relationship – has sworn off relationships for a while – but she can't resist the way his green eyes turn pleading. He is so very pretty, it probably won't go anywhere, and it's only dinner, right? 'OK,' she agrees, 'dinner.'

He offers his free hand quickly. 'Josh.'

'Jenna.' She shakes his hand but neither of them let go when they should. Not even when the elevator starts moving again.

o-O-o

'Please come in.'

Jenna stares at the Asian man sitting in the chair of her motel room as if he has more right to be there than her. Her heart is beating double – triple – time. She's trying to remember where she left her gun and feels naked in her cut-off shorts and old red T-shirt; trying to think whether she can get to her phone and call Danny or someone for help. Not Steve since Steve's just been incarcerated for the murder of the Governor. But there's a gun trained on her and she knows Wo Fat won't hesitate to use it.

'I think you'll be interested in what I have to say.' Wo Fat points to the bed with the weapon.

Jenna slowly shuts the door. She drops the brown bags of her groceries on the floor and steps towards the bed. She sits down warily, never taking her eyes off Wo Fat.

He looks back at her coldly and reaches into his jacket to the inner breast pocket there. He pulls out an envelope and tosses it onto the bed with a gloved hand.

Jenna picks it up slowly, opens it and pulls out the contents: a small photo. Her world shatters around her.

It's Josh.

_Josh._

Her hand flies to her mouth to cover her cry of shock. But he had died. He had been part of the team caught in the ambush Wo Fat had planned. _All her fault._ His death is the reason why she took leave from the CIA; why she had ended up in Hawaii and working with Steve McGarrett.

But the photo says Josh is alive. Hurt and injured; tied up and battered…but alive.

It's a lie. It _has_ to be a lie.

But Josh is holding a newspaper with yesterday's date.

'This could be photoshopped.' Jenna says. Her mouth is too dry; her heartbeat too fast. She feels on the verge of passing out.

'I assure you it was taken yesterday by one of my associates.' Wo Fat says. He undoes the button on his jacket, eases himself into another position but the gun he holds on her never wavers. 'Have you never wondered why you received the tape recording John McGarrett made?'

'Laura…' Jenna begins.

Wo Fat cuts her off before she even gets started. 'Hardly, Miss Kaye. Miss Hill knew nothing of your existence. She would have returned it to McGarrett as she did the other items. _I_ needed you here.'

'Why?' Jenna asks, stunned at how he's manipulated her; aware that he could be lying anyway, simply taking advantage of a dead woman's actions.

'I required someone with your skills to become close to McGarrett.' Wo Fat replies smoothly.

Jenna stares at him. 'I don't understand.' Why would that matter and why would Wo Fat approach her now with Steve in jail? What can he want?

He smiles. 'You do not need to understand.' He stands up, an elegant flow of movement that Jenna watches enviously. 'I will be in touch. I trust that you know the consequences should anyone else learn of this conversation.' He leaves before she can say anything.

Her mind is left whirling. Her fingers tremble as she traces over the photo, over Josh's face. The threat is clear: if she tells anyone, he'll kill Josh. But can she even trust that Josh is alive? Hope mingles with the fear that's crushing her. If anyone could survive…it would be Josh.

Jenna knows she won't risk it, not until she knows for certain. She'll have to play along with Wo Fat.

She only just makes it to the bathroom before throwing up.

o-O-o

'Surprise!' Josh's voice travels down the phone line and Jenna smiles warmly.

Kelly in the cubicle beside her grins and mouths 'Josh?' at her. Jenna nods as she slides out of her chair to take the call somewhere more private.

They've been dating for three months in between Josh's missions. He's been away for ten days on a covert reconnaissance mission in Asia and Jenna's relieved to have him home.

She ducks into an empty office. 'Are you OK?'

'I'm good.' He assures her – which could mean anything. She's seen him with a bullet wound which he'd dismissed with a wave of his hand as 'hardly hurts.' She blames it on his Army Ranger training but as that very same training keeps him alive she's willing to let it go.

'Really?' Jenna asks pointedly.

'Really.' Josh informs her cheerfully. 'I missed you.'

'I missed you too.' She's grinning into the phone sappily, warm fuzziness cascading through her. She'd never thought she could feel this way about someone else. Somehow she's never convinced herself the written descriptions of love in literature and songs could be real until now; until Josh.

'So, tomorrow night?' Josh asks. 'How about you come over to my place and I cook you dinner?'

Jenna grins. 'I don't know,' she drawls, 'I think you might have ulterior motives for inviting me to your place.' If he doesn't, Jenna definitely does, and she's glad that he's suggested a night in as much as she enjoys their usual haunt of the Capital Grille, the location of their first date.

Josh answers brightly. 'That's the problem with dating an analyst; nothing gets by you.'

'It's nothing to do with being an analyst,' Jenna laughs, 'and everything to do with being a woman.'

'And I'm really glad you're a woman.' Josh says warmly. 'Seven OK?'

'Seven is great,' Jenna replies.

They say goodbye but Jenna can't help beaming at her cell phone once the call is finished. She shakes herself and heads back to the desk. She enters her passcode and starts to review the information again. There's something about this series of illegal arms deals in China and she's going to find out the connection if it kills her.

o-O-o

The second time she finds Wo Fat in her motel room, she's almost relieved. She immediately closes the door behind her. She's hasn't been able to forget about his previous visit; has thoughts of _Josh_ and _Alive_ running through her head constantly.

Jenna folds her arms and glares at him but she's aware of the gun pointed at her regardless. 'Your plan failed.'

Steve is out of prison; Five-0 is back in business. She's just finished drinking beer with the guys and Kono back at HQ. They've set up a meeting for Steve and Danny with Hesse in the morning for some reason – maybe Steve wants to say thank you for Hesse not killing him or more likely to question him further about the man in front of her.

Wo Fat tilts his head and smiles. 'You shouldn't presume to know my plans, Miss Kaye.'

'What do you want?' Jenna gives up the pretence of being able to verbally fence with him. She's itching to ask about Josh, her fingers curling into fists and her nails digging into the skin of her palms.

'I require a driver.' Wo Fat smoothes the tie he is wearing.

Her bitter laugh surprises them both. 'You…I'm not driving you anywhere.'

'If you ever wish to see your fiancé again, you will.' Wo Fat stands up abruptly. 'I will return in one hour and you will be waiting for me by your vehicle. '

'One photo isn't enough evidence to prove he's alive.' Jenna protests. She folds her arms tightly against her chest. 'I'm not going to just take your word for it.'

Her analysis of the photo has been inconclusive. There is no sign of alteration but she knows that a skilled graphic designer would not leave one. Facial recognition has confirmed it is Josh; a comparison has confirmed the newspaper had been the one issued on the date in question. Hope is such a dangerous thing.

Wo Fat's eyes meet hers and she shivers automatically at the cold dead quality of his stare. 'I will provide you with additional proof once you have completed your task as my driver.' He gestures with the gun and she steps aside.

Once he's gone, she takes a deep breath and tries to stop the nausea from bubbling up to the surface again. She rakes her hands through her hair and over her face. How can she even contemplate doing what Wo Fat asks?

She paces back and forth. She should call Steve and Danny; set up a sting so they can capture Wo Fat and…and do what? There's very little evidence to hold him on and even the CIA only has conjecture based on analysis, not absolute proof. Wo Fat is likely to be released after a few hours of questioning nothing more and then…

And then she'll probably end up dead and if Josh is alive, she will have killed him, Jenna muses partly panicked.

Driving. It's a small thing, Jenna thinks. All she has to do is drive him somewhere. If she can get more proof about Josh…if she can truly establish whether he is alive or dead…

 _Foolish_ , her conscience whispers. Josh could be alive, she reasons stubbornly. She _has_ to find out. She can't bear to think of him captured and tortured; can't bear to think of him dead because she didn't have the strength to play along with Wo Fat.

He wouldn't want this, the voice whispers again. He wouldn't want her in danger; wouldn't want her dealing with Wo Fat to save his life.

And he could still be dead and she's just being played.

Jenna's lips thin as she presses them together hard. If there is any chance that Josh is alive, she has to take it.

o-O-o

The day feels surreal but Jenna guesses that funerals always are. Josh stands beside her, his hand warm around hers; the press of him against her side a welcome one as he shields her from the brisk wind that blows through the Virginia cemetery.

Her Mom's sister is weeping on her other side but Jenna can't bring herself to comfort her aunt. She can barely comprehend that they're stood watching her Mom's coffin being lowered into the ground next to her Dad, who'd died a few years before from a heart attack.

A hit and run driver had killed her Mom crossing the street. The car had been stolen and the police were sure it was joyriders. There would be no way of finding out who had killed her Mom. No justice.

Jenna's hand tightened on Josh's. She's barely aware of the crowd dissipating; mourners coming up to her to whisper their condolences only to be shooed gently away by Josh. It isn't until her aunt turns to her with red-rimmed eyes that Jenna reacts at all.

Susan places her hand on Jenna's arm. 'You take the time you need, Jenna. I'll see to everyone back at the house.' She walks away, snuffling into a handkerchief, her third husband supporting her over the manicured grass.

Josh shifts restlessly beside Jenna. 'Do you want me to…'

'Stay.' Jenna demands. Her throat feels tight with tears suddenly. 'I don't…I can't…'

'It's OK,' Josh lets go of her hand but his arm slides around her comfortingly and she turns her head into his shoulder, blinking back tears, 'I'm not going anywhere.'

'I just talked with her.' Jenna says, recalling the last telephone conversation with her Mom the day before her death, 'and we were going to have dinner. She was telling me about her work at the hospital, and she sounded so happy…' she sobs, unable to stop the tears, her hand clenched around his suit lapel, 'she was thinking about dating again and now…'

And now Jenna's an orphan. Both her parents gone. She's all alone in the world.

Josh drops a kiss on top of her head as if he's heard her thoughts and wants to remind her that she has him.

'I'm just so angry.' Jenna admits. 'I just want to track down who did this to her and…and…do something! They should pay for what they've done.' It hurts her that her Mom won't get justice.

'That's my Jenna.' Josh says softly and his hold tightens on her. His concern washes over her; he knows her too well; knows that she gets caught up and too focused; blind to small errors that creep in because she's so single-minded and obsessive. 'But as much as I hate to say this, you'd be tilting at windmills if you try and investigate this yourself.'

She knows and she already knows it's futile. She's done as much as she could do; gotten hold of the street video footage, traced the car's owner and the police report of the theft, looked into similar stolen car reports but there are no leads…nothing.

Jenna huddles into Josh. She wants him to promise that he'll never leave her but even if he did, it would be a lie since she knows exactly how many agents they lose in the field, and she can't bear to have him lie to her. 'Take me home, Josh.'

o-O-o

She's an accomplice to a murder. A murder of a murderer but that doesn't change it.

She's lied to Steve. By omission in not telling him about how she's gotten tangled up in Wo Fat's web. By telling him a half-truth so he'll let her leave Five-0. She's lied to the rest of the team, to Danny and Chin and Kono.

She can barely stand to look at herself in the ladies' bathroom at the airport. She wets another paper towel and pats her face which feels too hot; too flushed.

Jenna takes a deep breath. She can't throw up again. She's been barely able to keep food down since she'd learned of Hesse's death. She had driven the get-away vehicle; she'll face prison if she's ever caught.

Or betrayed.

Wo Fat has more leverage on her now than simply Josh.

Wo Fat hadn't been happy when she'd told him that she was leaving Five-0 but she had argued with him, pointed out that she wasn't a CIA field agent; she didn't have undercover skills. She'd barely lasted a day before Steve had uncovered her true purpose the first time she'd approached him, and Steve had noticed her recent distraction quickly enough once he'd recovered from his prison ordeal despite being in the middle of a kidnapping case. Wo Fat had finally acquiesced once she'd told him everything she knew about John McGarrett's investigation into him and the video Joe White is getting fixed at the DOD.

The additional photos he's given her of her fiancé haven't yielded anything. She still doesn't know for certain if Josh is alive or dead. The backgrounds are blank canvasses of tents or buildings and give no clues. Josh remains battered and bruised in the photos and she can see a progression of his injuries. The newspapers are always current dates with real headlines.

It could all be faked.

It could all be real.

'You still don't believe me.' Wo Fat had taunted her the last time she'd seen him. 'Agent Hirsch will be disappointed.' He had stared her down. 'I wonder what you would do to see him in person again.'

Jenna shakes herself briskly and pulls out the ring that Wo Fat had handed over; it's Josh's. The same nicks and scratches adorn the metal that Josh has worn all the time she's known him.

She blinks back tears. She has to think rationally. She can't allow herself to hope. She has to do what she had told Steve and the rest of Five-0 she was going to do: investigate and find Josh if he's alive. She's already talked with her former boss and there _is_ chatter about a possible survivor from the ambush – Dave hadn't told her because he hadn't wanted her to get her hopes up…but if anyone could have survived, Jenna knows in her heart it would be Josh.

She's so tired, Jenna thought wearily. So tired of acting with her friends, of betraying their trust, betraying Steve who has been so kind to her, who reminds her so much of Josh; so tired of not knowing the truth about Josh.

She's going to Washington but she already has a return flight booked to Maui; Wo Fat's instructions. He wants to keep her close in Hawaii in case he requires her assistance again.

She shudders.

Jenna wonders if she'll ever be free of him. If Josh will ever be free again…if Wo Fat truly does have him.

God, she _wants_ Josh to be alive so much. She's been so alone in the months without him and even briefly being part of Five-0 hasn't changed that. His loss has left such a hole in her life; in her heart; in her soul.

Josh _has_ to be alive.

The photos…the ring…

She'll find more proof, something that doesn't come from Wo Fat, something she can believe in.

They call her flight. It's time for her to leave.

o-O-o

Jenna sits by Josh's bedside in an uncomfortable chair and waits for him to wake up.

There's a deep scratch along his cheek, running into the beginnings of a six o'clock shadow on his jaw. There are bruises on his bare torso; deep, purple and red bruises that give away how hard he'd landed on the asphalt when the car had hit him. His lower body is covered with a green blanket, tented over a structure around his knee. He'd been in surgery when Jenna had arrived at the hospital; they've pinned his knee back together and he'll have months of physio to look forward to.

The accident was all Josh's fault. Jenna's bubbling anger might have something to do with that. The police officer Jenna had met in the waiting room had told her the details; he'd been on a bike – a bike! – and had cut across a busy intersection at speed in the pouring rain. The driver who had hit him had had no chance to avoid Josh. The guy had stopped and given Josh first aid, called the ambulance and the police. He'd done everything by the book. It's not the same as when her Mom…

Jenna checks her watch and takes another sip of the cold bitter coffee she's bought. Josh's parents are flying in from Texas; they'd eschewed her picking them up from the airport, telling her to stay with Josh. She hadn't argued; she's right where she wants to be.

Josh moves and Jenna's attention focuses on him again. He's waking up. She can tell by the way he's shifting; the way his body moves from relaxed to alert without him opening his eyes. She knows after years together that he always silently catalogues his surroundings with his other senses before opening his eyes.

She stands up, sets the coffee aside on the bedside cabinet next to the jug of water and brown paper bag that holds Josh's personal items. 'Josh?'

His eyes open slowly but he smiles when he sees her. 'Hey, beautiful.' It's a croak but it's Josh.

Jenna's crying as her hand finds his. 'What were you thinking?' The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them; anger motivated by the relief coursing through her roughening her voice. 'Why were you even on your bike? How could you take such a stupid risk?' Because he is an adrenaline junkie and she accepts that about him but she can't deal with this…not this time…

And he's moving despite pain and confusion from being out of it on God knows how many drugs, he's shuffling to sit up so he can wrap his free hand around her face and thumb away her tears.

She leans into his touch. 'You could have been killed!' She knows she shouldn't be yelling at him but she can't help it because if Josh died she would be alone, so alone without Josh. 'You could have been killed for no reason; for absolutely nothing!'

Josh reaches over and silences her with a brief kiss – nothing more than a press of his chapped dry lips to hers – but it stops the words. He gestures at the paper bag. 'Hand me that, please?'

Jenna glances at the bag. She swipes at her face with the back of her hand and does as he asks. Josh awkwardly opens the bag one-handed – she's holding his other prisoner.

She wipes her face again. 'What are you…?'

He pulls out a box and her words fall away. His eyes are gentle and loving on hers; just a hint of fear hiding in the depths as he opens it and shows her the ring; diamond and gold glinting up at her. 'It wasn't for nothing.'

o-O-o

'I'm Bethany Morris. I was hoping I could speak with you.'

Jenna takes the business card and glances over it. A journalist. She pins on a fake smile and shakes her head at the pretty woman with tangled dark hair, flowery blouse, khaki pants and sandals stood outside her motel room door. 'I'm sorry,' she says insincerely, 'I think you've probably gotten the wrong person…'

She's rented the room under an alias provided by Wo Fat; Jane Woodley, a combination of her Mom's maiden name and her paternal Grandmother's first name. If she hadn't known that Wo Fat knows everything about her, the detail would have creeped her out.

'I don't think so.' Morris says firmly; there's a determined glint in her eyes. 'I think you're exactly who I'm looking for, Agent Kaye.'

Over Morris' shoulder, Jenna can see the old guy who owns the place gawking at them as he pretends to water the front flower beds; far enough away that he probably can't eavesdrop but Jenna can't take the risk.

'You'd better come in.' Jenna says flatly. She doesn't offer a drink but motions at the table at the back that overlooks the gardens. Her mind is whirling as they sit down on the small wooden chairs. Jenna has believed that only Wo Fat knows where she is; maybe Morris has been sent by him…she hasn't seen Wo Fat for days – not since he'd turned up bruised from a fight with White and asking about Shelbourne whoever-whatever that was – Jenna hasn't managed to dig anything up.

She's been so alone…

'How did you find me?' Jenna asks not really expecting an answer.

'You don't have to worry,' Morris says quickly, 'I wasn't followed. I realise you're probably undercover here or in protective custody – after all, your personal leave from Five-0 was very sudden…'

She's fishing and Jenna isn't unaware that she didn't answer the question. 'I'm not going to talk with you until you tell me.'

Morris examines her face intently for a long moment before she sighs. 'Flight records mainly. You landed in Washington but never made it back to your apartment according to the phone records and discussion I had with your caretaking firm.' She shrugs. 'I figured you came back to the islands, so I got hold of the flight manifests and started to work my way through the fifteen single female travellers that were on flights here immediately after your arrival time in Washington.'

It was good solid work and she can check out whether Morris did talk to the caretakers. It seems to have nothing to do with Wo Fat and something eases in Jenna.

'Why track me down?' Jenna asks, feeling slightly dowdy in her own casual clothes of shorts and t-shirt.

'A couple of weeks ago, I was approached by a source in the CIA,' Morris began, reaching for the canvas bag at her feet, 'a whistleblower upset at the treatment of a decorated agent. He put me onto an operation called Switchback…'

Jenna tenses. Switchback had been the codename for the operation where Wo Fat had ambushed the team; ambushed Josh…her failure.

Morris pulls out a folder and slides a copy of a heavily redacted report that Jenna already knows inside and out. 'My source says that while all operatives were reported dead that no bodies were recovered.'

'I'm sorry,' Jenna says, genuinely this time, 'but I can't talk about potentially classified information whether to either confirm or deny it.'

'You were the intelligence analyst.' Morris ploughs on anyway. 'You were removed from the case immediately after.' Her eyes are sharp. 'I'm guessing that someone didn't want you to know what I discovered.'

Jenna frowns. She knows the reason why she was removed; Josh had died, conflict of interest…it had all been explained to her ad nauseum when she had tried to argue for remaining on board.

Morris slid a photo over to Jenna. 'That's Agent Josh Hirsch. I have evidence that says the CIA knew he was alive after the ambush and have left him in the hands of the arms dealers anyway. What do they call it? Disavowal?'

Jenna's heart is pounding as she picks up the picture. It's nothing like the ones she has tucked into an ice-cream box hidden in the freezer. This is satellite imagery of a camp that she recognises; a place in North Korea near to a base that she had linked to Wo Fat. Josh is being led through the camp by a rope; hands tied behind his back. The picture is old; it had to have been taken just days after the failed ambush.

Josh had survived.

Hope rushes through her; floods her every cell. This is independent verification of what Wo Fat has told her. Josh is alive.

No, her conscience cautions; it's only evidence that Josh _was_ alive. But if anyone could survive being Wo Fat's prisoner, it's Josh. And Wo Fat needs Josh alive doesn't he? To guarantee her compliance.

Morris clears her throat and brings Jenna back to herself with a jolt. 'You obviously knew him well.'

Obviously Morris hasn't connected them romantically but then they'd both been discreet. Relationships were frowned upon among co-workers and outright banned in some cases. Their superiors had known but neither she nor Josh had wanted to rock the boat.

'I'm sorry,' Jenna says again, 'but I really can't tell you anything.' It takes another fifteen minutes before Jenna can convince Morris to leave.

She checks out Morris and her story – calls the caretakers – verifies as much as she can. Morris is legitimate; an investigative journalist with an eye for a good story. Morris has talked with the caretaking firm in DC; it's likely her tale of tracking down Jenna is true.

For a long time, Jenna thinks. She considers and analyses because that's what she does. She has to find a way out of this for Josh and for herself. Knowing there's a chance that Josh really is alive, she has to save him.

It's late when Jenna finally picks up her phone and calls Wo Fat. All the photos of Josh he's given her are lined up on the table in front of her; Josh's ring sits next to her engagement ring, the metal gleaming yellow.

'You have something for me?' Wo Fat asks.

'I want to see Josh.' Jenna says in a rush, her hand tight around the plastic of the cell phone.

Wo Fat is silent on the other end of the line for a long moment. 'What are you prepared to give me in return?'

Jenna closes her eyes as though to hide from her own betrayal of everything she believes in, everything Josh believes in. But it's worth it, isn't it? To save Josh? To have him back? To not be alone anymore?

She takes a deep breath. 'Anything. I'll give you anything.'

o-O-o

The apartment is so silent without Josh.

Jenna curls up in the bed. Her throat feels raw. Her eyes are gummed up from crying. She stares at her engagement ring; the stone flickering with inner fire despite the only light a streetlamp, its artificial brightness pushing past the dark material of the curtains and lending a semi-light to the bedroom.

It's all her fault.

She'd gotten so caught up with the hunt for Wo Fat that she hadn't considered that he might have discovered their investigation, had laid a trap. Josh is dead. Another three agents are dead. Friends. They're never coming back and it's Jenna's fault.

Josh is gone. She's alone. It's all her fault.

She's been removed from the case.

Standard procedure.

Nothing she had said had made a difference. She had argued with Dave; argued with Kelly when she'd tried to console her; argued with Josh's Mom who just wanted to grieve and let Josh go…

How can Jenna let Josh go?

How can she?

Tears spring up again; press against the back of her eyes and clog up her throat until the sob erupts, and pain rips through her heart.

She can't let go.

Can't.

It's all her fault.

But it's not, Josh voice whispers through her head. It's not her fault. She wasn't the one who laid the trap; set up the ambush; sold the arms…that was Wo Fat.

Wo Fat.

This isn't the same as her Mom's death; she knows this time who killed someone she loves. She can have justice this time. She just needs to fight for it; fight for Josh. So, she's off the case officially but unofficially…

She can't believe she's considering doing what she's doing. Going rogue. Tracking Wo Fat despite her orders, despite the rules.

But Jenna needs this. She needs to do this; for Josh, for herself. She brushes the tears away and closes her eyes.

No, she won't let go of Josh.

Not ever.

o-O-o

Her fingers brush nervously and often over the cross she wears; it had been her Mom's. She'd thought once upon a time that it would be her something old when she married Josh. She confesses as much to Steve on the flight to Seoul when he notices her habit and comments.

The journey through the jungle is tense. Jenna waits for Steve to stop her; to tell her he _knows_. She almost wishes he does, that he will, except…except for Josh. In the end, Steve doesn't know and the look of betrayal he aims in her direction rubs at her confidence, frays her strength.

Josh, she reminds herself as they take Steve's boots, as they rip open the shirt to search for weapons and wires, as they punch him, kick him, tie him up. They can all get out, Jenna thinks desperately. Josh and Steve together are better than another man's army; all she has to do is find Josh and they can figure out a way to all get home.

Steve throws her another look, hurt and fury in equal measure, and she turns her head away as he gets hit for doing so.

She's doing this to save Josh, Jenna reminds herself. But she's never quite managed in the two days since Wo Fat told her the price for seeing Josh to convince herself that giving Steve to Wo Fat isn't too high a price to pay; an acceptable trade. She knows Josh won't think it is.

Not for the first time Jenna thinks she's over her head and drowning; there's a major difference between rescuing a man from momentary hunger with a candy bar and rescuing a man captured by an evil bastard like Wo Fat. She's not trained for this.

Josh, she reminds herself again; he's all that's important.

The bunker is dank and smells vile; damp, dirt, sweat, blood. She watches as Steve is taken away and she demands to see Josh. She knows as soon as the door opens. The smell gives away the truth; decaying flesh, putrefaction in progress. But her heart doesn't want to believe it; she calls out to him. But as she skirts around the silent still figure tied to the chair, she can't pretend for long.

Josh is dead.

Oh, he'd survived the ambush; the state of his body says his death can be measured in weeks, maybe days given the heat of the bunker. But he's dead.

She's saved no-one.

The attack from behind isn't a surprise and she fights back on a wave of anger and rage at the truth of her failure, pushing the guy out of the room and barricading herself in. It's not going to hold forever and she brings out the satellite phone she's secreted away in her pocket, calls Danny because Danny will fix this; because he's Steve's back-up and she can trust him. The door is already splintering and she can't let them know about the call. Her heart is racing as an idea comes to her…she tosses the phone out of the window.

She can't save Josh but maybe he can save Steve.

She digs into Josh's knee; cries out at the horror of pushing through his skin and flesh with her fingers to find one of the metal pins that held his knee together. She tucks it carefully away and when they find her weeping over his body, it isn't all an act. The punches that mar her cheek and split her lip open hurt. When they chain her to a wall and she sees Steve hanging by his arms, bloody and battered, she thinks maybe she deserves them.

Why, Steve asks her, and she answers him with the honesty he deserves regardless of how ugly it makes her. That she was willing to trade Josh for him…

He looks at her with pity and explains about Bethany Morris. Jenna's been a fool, falling for Wo Fat's trap. Again.

There's a chance though; safe in her pocket is the pin, and she's certain that Five-0 will rescue Steve; he just has to hold on and they'll save him. But when the guy comes in with the satellite phone Jenna knows that it's over for her. She's OK with that. Maybe she never really expected to get out alive. Maybe she doesn't want to live with Josh gone, with her hope gone.

Jenna slides the pin along the floor to Steve.

They can help save Steve; her and Josh, together.

It wasn't for nothing.

fin.


End file.
